i am continuing to work on my project. im 3.5/11(?) chapters in. it was originally going to be 10 chapters but i feel unsatisfied with the pacing. i also feel critical of the first chapter.

I like blending my editing and writing process together and rereading everything a million times. its making things take forever but idk. i think it at least helps my writing style remain consistent. i also listen to music for inspo but not really for the story. i just look for music that i feel like has relevant lyrics and then i have been using them as chapter names. idk if that will make the final product. i am not especially good at coming up with chapter names on my own.

sometimes before i start writing something i watch a movie so i can like feel the vibe of something that they are trying to convey is unspoken.

my first chapter is still bad. i asked my friend if he also feels like the first 15 or so lines of dialogue in anything he writes are aimless because theres nothing relevant happenng yet and he said yes, so hopefully i'm not alone in that. maybe there being less dialogue at the start of it is a good idea; i personally tend to enjoy that in anything i read. anyway i decided to make the fun stuff start happening earlier.

halfway through my 4th chapter i've been feeling Conflicted about a certain route i have taken with Tavros and Nepeta being friends. so im like i need to go BACK again and make there actually be any sort of reason he is being more forgiving of Gamzee than he should b. that is something i'm struggling with a lot in this entire process. idk if maybe i should just use my like turn a blind eye method of justifying anything gamzee did in canon so that the romance will feel more legitimate and justified or if i should actually make an attempt to see how that could be rectified. it is obvious which of those decisions would be easier for me.

i am scared that this project is going to take forever. it has maybe been a month and a half since i started writing i think. at this point i think that even if i do hate the final product im gonna drop it anyway. if i rlly hate it i'll drop all of it at once. all 11 chapters